Mini Muffin

You are growing every day. And even though  it has been months since I have seen any image of you and weeks  since I have heard your heart beating I am still so at peace in my heart that you are ok. I don't know whether I want a girl or a boy more. Your daddy  has prayed for a girl since day one so I'm not going to be surprised  when we find out if it's a girl. I will be surprised if it's a boy. You have ten fingers and ten toes that I can't wait to count over and over.  You will be adorable and I can't wait to squeeze your cheeks and squish those rolls on your thighs.  You will be a confident and kind child. And the highest prayer I have for you is compassion and consideration  for other people. I want you to have a heart that hurts for those who need Jesus and the drive and bravery to speak out for those in need. I have been dealing with the difficulty  of one of my best  friends losing her baby while I  still remain pregnant. Let me tell you that there are moments where I am so sure of your little life to remain in this world  that  I cannot fathom you leaving me. And I have moments of doubt and fear that I will lose what is now precious and loved by many. You are 18 weeks old inside of me now. So weak alone but as long as you reside  inside  of me God provides life for you through every beat of my heart and every craving I have. So even without seeing you daily I can feel the desire to thrive oozing from you. It fuels me. My prayers. my dreams. Even my friendships.

It is funny how consumed  we women get by a tiny person inside  of us. When we get pregnant we don't have the same mindset  as usual  and we handle situations differently.

Last night your father and I almost died on the way home. And only due to God's grace and mercy did we live. A large black longhorn  was crossing the road and it was pitch black outside. Even your father said that he thought we were dead. And I assure you we easily could have been. God must have a big plan for you little one. One that doesn't end with our death.

My prayer for you tonight  is in many a song.

"Let it be love "
"Peace like a river"
"Let my words point  them back to you"
"Forever faithful"